Night of the Dying Home Appliance

If I had to rank my home appliances on a scale from one being, "I control it so I am not afraid of it."

Oh, this toaster is totally safe!

to a number so large it does not exist or "This appliance is going to kill me one day." a partial list would look like this:

Toaster- Gives me toast but will only hurt me if I stick a fork in it while it's on.
Blender- Will eat my hand if I stick it in there while it's on.
Microwave- Radiation.
Coffee machine- Can break and deprive me of coffee.
Refrigerator- Will fall on me one day when I open it to get cold coffee after coffee machine breaks.
Stove- Possesses ability to explode.
Dryer-see stove
Water Heater- see stove, dryer
Furnace-see stove, dryer, water heater

The furnace is the high end of the list because it scares me. They are a necessary evil. If I could get away with it and my pipes wouldn't freeze and I could live comfortably when the ambient temperature drops into the teens in the winter I would never use any sort of artificial heat in the home-ever.

Any and all forms of artificial heat are quietly plotting to burn my house down while I sleep.

 Last night just after midnight our furnace kicked on and then promptly turned itself off several times in a row. It was hesitating or choking and it definitely was not heating. If you'll believe it this is not the first time I've had a furnace die on me after midnight.  But this is the first time this particular furnace decided to do so but I was not alone when it happened so I knew I could prove I wasn't imagining things. I don't count David because he's always asleep when furnaces die.

My friend Amy was with me because she came over after dinner to make churros and was on her way out the door when the furnace threw it's tantrum.

When I heard the furnace's pilot light continue to blow itself out I froze, all the blood drained from my body, listening intently I began to mutter: "Ohmygod, please baby Jesus, don't let the furnace break. Pleasepleaseplease." Months ago I had told David the furnace was not turning on as promptly as it once had. He told me to stop worrying about it and go to sleep.

Nighttime is the only time furnaces cause trouble because they like to be an inconvenience to remind you who is in charge around these here frozen areas of the world.

Amy entered the kitchen and I said: "Do you hear that? The furnace isn't working." She cocked her head and agreed something was not right. Thinking maybe it was stalling because it was confused about the indoor temperature we both played with the thermostat while the other sat with an ear to the furnace. Amy is braver than I am and she took the door off the furnace and watched as the flame snuffed itself out. We both agreed this was not a major problem because it's not the dead of winter however it could be a drain your bank account to fix problem.

I informed David of the situation and since it was late he groggily told me we'd have to deal with it in the morning. Typical. I wrote a big note and stuck it to the bathroom door so he would remember to call a repairman since he is the first one up.

I turned the unit off and Amy went home. Amy consulted her husband and we texted back and forth about the furnace. The whole situation made me jumpy and I ended up moving our carbon monoxide detector to the kitchen.

At 5:30 this morning David got out of bed and turned the central heat on as I held my breath thinking it was going to explode.  Surprisingly, the contraption fired and emitted heat. I don't know what David did, he probably didn't do anything, he certainly didn't replace the sensor which is what Amy's husband diagnosed as the likely problem or call an HVAC guy.

The machine seems to be working for now but I know it's just waiting. Watching and waiting for me to slip up and then it and the water heater are going to make a move.

I don't know what they are going to do to me but you guys should know I've always tried to be good to my appliances. But I think since the water heater is getting old and because the furnace is young together they can do some damage. Maybe the AC will put in a good word in for me because we don't use it as much as the others. The AC will save me. I just know it.