Anne Fadiman wrote a wonderful little book of essays titled "Ex Libris". The first essay is about the author and her husband deciding, after years of marriage, to "marry" their libraries. How they should organize the library, whose copy of duplicate titles they should keep and so on. As I was reading the essay my mind wandered to my two over flowing bookcases in the living room and to David’s own bookcase in Ohio. One day,sooner than I ever anticipated, David and I might “marry” our libraries.
Now, I frequently stop before buying classics knowing that David may own a copy. Afraid that when we combine our libraries, my copy might be tossed to the donation pile or the weight of the duplicates we own will be too great and we will have to choose. Or I will stop before I purchase a used chick lit novel I really love afraid it may occupy space near one of David’s beloved dead Russians and the books won't get along or they will look uncomfortable next to each other. Another fear is that friends and relatives will glance at our shelves and know which books are mine, which are David’s, and deduce who is smarter and thus a more discriminating reader. An observation, if noted aloud, might push me to indignant tears.
In another essay Fadiman recalls memories about her parent's books and what they represented about her parent's personalities and lives. I stopped and recalled books from my mother's one bookcase(one of the two that I now own) that sat at the bottom of our stairs in our apartment when I was in late elementary school. A book of Gone With the Wind trivia, biographies of Vivien Leigh and Katherine Hepburn, Dinotopia, Green Eggs and Ham, How the Grinch stole Christmas, Diary of a Young Girl, Tales from the Secret Annex, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and other random books (I now own these copies). David’s house was (is) a house filled floor to ceiling with books organized and alphabetized. His house held books since the day he was born,longer really, A severe contrast to my family’s single case of randomness acquired late in my childhood. This doesn't mean I was raised without books and literacy. It just means we didn't own many. We never had the space or the money. We were a gypsy or circus family moving frequently.
I wondered if David had memories of his "parent's bookshelves". Then I began to wonder what our future children might think of our books. Will they think David is more intelligent? Boring? Will they wonder why Daddy can never finish a book? Or why he only reads the same subjects? Presidential biographies,US history,Military history,Russian History, Chinese History. Will they see that he has a fascination with Russian works and Richard Nixon? Plus, David keeps most of his books forever. Then they will look at my books. Will they think less of me when they see all the Chick-Lit? Think that I am stupid and shallow with a short attention span? I read them quickly and give them away. Is she ashamed of her Chick-Lit? They will surely wonder why I have picture book adaptions of almost every Shakespeare play and picture books of cats. Will they be shocked by my unhealthy obsession with Bob Dylan? Will they wonder why their mother has a collection of works just about California? Which she is constantly shoving at them afraid they will forget the epic sunshine and smog they never knew. Will they be embarrassed by their weird,bookish,nerdy parents?
Am I over thinking this whole thing? What if David and I never have children? What if we have children that are uninterested in books? Say, they are more interested in blowing things up and pummeling each other? Will I be okay with that? What if they stop printing books because it isn’t nice to the trees. Or what if Kindle makes books obsolete? What if one us goes blind and David has to read “The Devil Wears Prada” to me or I have to read him the entire Shelby Foote Civil War trilogy? I have trouble pronouncing Appomottax and I’m sure David wouldn’t know a Prada product if it hit him in the head. What if Prada stops making shoes and handbags? The future is just so uncertain.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
What I Wish Governor Arnold Would Do
Every time Senator Mccain said,"She's the most popular governor in America." I howled in pain, Sarah Palin is not the most popular governor in America,Governor Arnold is! Now if only he had ultimate cosmic power...
Prop 8 passed and I have gone through all the stages of mourning. In my angry phase,when I rocked back and forth on my heels mumbling through gritted teeth, I considered calling David to tell him we weren't to be married until everyone could be married. I had "what if moments"where I envisioned the absentee ballots coming in and Prop 8 being defeated. My biggest what if moment was when I had a vision of our Governor taking to the podium and scolding us for our hatred and pettiness. I wish the Governor would say this (cue Austrian accent): "California, I asked you, I asked you to be fair to one another, to share,cooperate and work together toward a greater good. But no. So now...now there is no marriage at all. For anyone. I banned marriage. No one is to be married ever in my state. You guys want to act like children I will treat you like children. Furthermore, all marriages are void. Even if you were married 10,15 35 years ago. Prove to me that you can behave like adults."
Then I would like to see the looks on the faces of married folk who are no longer held together by the bonds of law. No matter if those bonds were sanctioned by God or a church. To hear them say," But that isn't fair!" I'd like to see the engaged women of this state take to the streets in their gowns and tiaras, fiances in tow, crestfallen faces, now angry, at the thought of a world without marriage. A world where they are not permitted to wed the one they love.
Governor Arnold has no magic wand, none of us do. But he did tell us to not give up. Protest with the masses, let the people of America know Californians do not foster hatred and neither will we support discrimination. These are not values we grow with our oranges.
Prop 8 passed and I have gone through all the stages of mourning. In my angry phase,when I rocked back and forth on my heels mumbling through gritted teeth, I considered calling David to tell him we weren't to be married until everyone could be married. I had "what if moments"where I envisioned the absentee ballots coming in and Prop 8 being defeated. My biggest what if moment was when I had a vision of our Governor taking to the podium and scolding us for our hatred and pettiness. I wish the Governor would say this (cue Austrian accent): "California, I asked you, I asked you to be fair to one another, to share,cooperate and work together toward a greater good. But no. So now...now there is no marriage at all. For anyone. I banned marriage. No one is to be married ever in my state. You guys want to act like children I will treat you like children. Furthermore, all marriages are void. Even if you were married 10,15 35 years ago. Prove to me that you can behave like adults."
Then I would like to see the looks on the faces of married folk who are no longer held together by the bonds of law. No matter if those bonds were sanctioned by God or a church. To hear them say," But that isn't fair!" I'd like to see the engaged women of this state take to the streets in their gowns and tiaras, fiances in tow, crestfallen faces, now angry, at the thought of a world without marriage. A world where they are not permitted to wed the one they love.
Governor Arnold has no magic wand, none of us do. But he did tell us to not give up. Protest with the masses, let the people of America know Californians do not foster hatred and neither will we support discrimination. These are not values we grow with our oranges.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Why I Voted No on Prop.8
A week ago today my best cousin and I were on our way to what may have been my last trip to Disneyland. Knowing we may be stuck in traffic I took my Official Voter Information Guide with me so I could review and decide on the Props. As I waded through the legal jargon of Prop 8 it occurred to me I shouldn't be voting on 8 at all. I don't believe in marriage at all. I told my cousin that as we waited for her breakfast burrito in the drive-thru. The reality of the situation is this, if I don't believe in marriage, I don't really care if people get married or not. If I was staying here in California ensconced by my family David and I would not be getting married. David and I will be married for safety and protection under the law. David and I,as married American citizens, will enjoy the rights and freedoms of our country. I am an American and if there is one thing I will not stand for are certain rights for me and other rights for other people.
My parents did not raise me with fear and hate in my heart. They raised me to be an intelligent,productive member of a diverse society. They raised me with a sense of right and wrong. It is wrong to deny freedom to other people that you yourself enjoy whether or not you agree with them or their views.
Yes, I was raised by a heterosexual married couple but it wasn't always a happy home. There were times when, I thought,when I prayed to the God I sometimes believed in, that they should have never married. The arguing was constant and the tension immense. My parents had three children and then they decided to get married, to "do the right thing". The right thing however isn't always the best thing. My parents have been separated for roughly ten years and at some point they may pursue a legal divorce. Now they see each other occasionally and sometimes they argue and sometimes they get along. People are always quick to respond with an "I'm sorry" or a "You must have been so affected living in broken home." when told about my home life. I am always quick to snap back with "No". I do not come from a broken home. I was loved and cared for. My parents made sure that my brothers and I understood that through it all that we would always be loved, I would always have a mother and a father even if they didn't get along, I would always have a home and my brothers and I would have each other. I understand that my parent's problems are not mine they are not caused by me. I am a functioning member of society because my parents explained those things to me. I may have a negative view of marriage but that is my opinion.
I do not wish to "Protect Marriage" if it means potentially creating a life for a child that is filled with fear and uncertainty. They are good marriages and bad marriages,relationships, gay and straight. As far as, the whole "marriage is for procreation" so gay couples can't procreate so they can't get married argument. Well,guess what, married couples aren't the only ones who have children. Non-married folks have children too and their children are no worse or better off. Frankly, marriage to me isn't about procreation. It's about love,commitment and building a lasting, working, relationship with another human being. That way if children become a product of that union or are adopted into that union the relationship the committed couple has created shows by example that there is love,goodness and equality in the world for everyone.
Isn't that what the Bible preaches,the Bible I believe in says:Love and acceptance. People of Christian faith believe that homosexuality is wrong because it says so in the Bible. Honestly, we don't follow the letter of the Bible on everything. Read this excerpt from chapter 25 of Deuteronomy:
25:5. When brethren dwell together, and one of them dieth without children, the wife of the deceased shall not marry to another: but his brother shall take her, and raise up seed for his brother:
25:6. And the first son he shall have of her he shall call by his name, that his name be not abolished out of Israel.
25:7. But if he will not take his brother’s wife, who by law belongeth to him, the woman shall go to the gate of the city, and call upon the ancients, and say: My husband’s brother refuseth to raise up his brother’s name in Israel: and will not take me to wife.
25:8. And they shall cause him to be sent for forthwith, and shall ask him. If he answer: I will not take her to wife:
25:9. The woman shall come to him before the ancients, and shall take off his shoe from his foot, and spit in his face, and say: So shall it be done to the man that will not build up his brother’s house:
25:10. And his name shall be called in Israel, the house of the unshod.
I am pretty sure David's brothers do not want to be forced to marry me in the event of his death. They live in America where they have the freedom to choose their partner. I also know they probably don't want to lose an eye from a Converse shoe to the face.
My parents did not raise me with fear and hate in my heart. They raised me to be an intelligent,productive member of a diverse society. They raised me with a sense of right and wrong. It is wrong to deny freedom to other people that you yourself enjoy whether or not you agree with them or their views.
Yes, I was raised by a heterosexual married couple but it wasn't always a happy home. There were times when, I thought,when I prayed to the God I sometimes believed in, that they should have never married. The arguing was constant and the tension immense. My parents had three children and then they decided to get married, to "do the right thing". The right thing however isn't always the best thing. My parents have been separated for roughly ten years and at some point they may pursue a legal divorce. Now they see each other occasionally and sometimes they argue and sometimes they get along. People are always quick to respond with an "I'm sorry" or a "You must have been so affected living in broken home." when told about my home life. I am always quick to snap back with "No". I do not come from a broken home. I was loved and cared for. My parents made sure that my brothers and I understood that through it all that we would always be loved, I would always have a mother and a father even if they didn't get along, I would always have a home and my brothers and I would have each other. I understand that my parent's problems are not mine they are not caused by me. I am a functioning member of society because my parents explained those things to me. I may have a negative view of marriage but that is my opinion.
I do not wish to "Protect Marriage" if it means potentially creating a life for a child that is filled with fear and uncertainty. They are good marriages and bad marriages,relationships, gay and straight. As far as, the whole "marriage is for procreation" so gay couples can't procreate so they can't get married argument. Well,guess what, married couples aren't the only ones who have children. Non-married folks have children too and their children are no worse or better off. Frankly, marriage to me isn't about procreation. It's about love,commitment and building a lasting, working, relationship with another human being. That way if children become a product of that union or are adopted into that union the relationship the committed couple has created shows by example that there is love,goodness and equality in the world for everyone.
Isn't that what the Bible preaches,the Bible I believe in says:Love and acceptance. People of Christian faith believe that homosexuality is wrong because it says so in the Bible. Honestly, we don't follow the letter of the Bible on everything. Read this excerpt from chapter 25 of Deuteronomy:
25:5. When brethren dwell together, and one of them dieth without children, the wife of the deceased shall not marry to another: but his brother shall take her, and raise up seed for his brother:
25:6. And the first son he shall have of her he shall call by his name, that his name be not abolished out of Israel.
25:7. But if he will not take his brother’s wife, who by law belongeth to him, the woman shall go to the gate of the city, and call upon the ancients, and say: My husband’s brother refuseth to raise up his brother’s name in Israel: and will not take me to wife.
25:8. And they shall cause him to be sent for forthwith, and shall ask him. If he answer: I will not take her to wife:
25:9. The woman shall come to him before the ancients, and shall take off his shoe from his foot, and spit in his face, and say: So shall it be done to the man that will not build up his brother’s house:
25:10. And his name shall be called in Israel, the house of the unshod.
I am pretty sure David's brothers do not want to be forced to marry me in the event of his death. They live in America where they have the freedom to choose their partner. I also know they probably don't want to lose an eye from a Converse shoe to the face.
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