This Midwestern Life Rewrites "Oh! Susanna!"

My apologies to Stephen Foster. I have no idea how accurate the lyrics I am working from are because there seem to be a few different versions floating around the Internet.


I come from California
With a laptop on my knee
and now I live on the shores of the great lake they call Erie
Ohiofornia, you're the last place I'd thought I'd be
I cried all night
The day I left
The weather it was dry
The sun so hot,
but I nearly froze to death as soon as I hit Cle
But Ohiofornia, don't you cry

Ohiofornia, don't you cry for me
I've come to blog about you
with a laptop on my knee

I had a bowl of chili
down near the city of Cincinnati
At first I thought I had been served a bowl of spaghetti
I ate it even though it seemed silly
There it was in my mouth
The tear was in my eye
Says I, That'll be the last local food I  try
Ohiofornia, don't you cry

Ohiofornia, don't you cry for me
I still haven't seen a buckeye tree
and everyone here is nutty about THE Ohio State University

Ohiofornia, don't you cry for me
I sure do miss that big blue sea
and watching celebrities.

This Midwestern Life Goes to "The Best of the West"

Yesterday Amy's mom, the Activity Director for a rehabilitation center, provided three tickets to an

Blurry & badly cropped on purpose.

annual local expo featuring restaurants, businesses, and anyone from "the west" who could possibly have something to sell you.

When I use the word "west" I mean the west side of Cleveland or the western suburbs whichever term you'd like to use. Some people feel silly saying "the west side" because of West Side Story, or because they don't want to sound like they are condoning gang violence, or they can't make their hands into a "w" like a rapper. To all that I say "Whatever." because I'm from the west coast (the real west, if you will) so I throw that word around as much as I want.

Book Review: Don't Worry, It Gets Worse by Alida Nugent

This review (or a shorter version at least) can also be found over at LibraryThing where I am a

Yes, it does, much worse. When you get married.

not-so-active member.

Don't Worry, It Gets Worse was another Early Review (ER) title I was really excited to snag via the site's monthly lottery.  The other was last month's book by Drew Magary called:  Someone Could Get Hurt.

I love Drew Magary's writing at Deadspin but before this turns into a blog where I gush about Drew (I can call him Drew because in my brain Drew and I are acquainted. We aren't good friends or anything because that would be creepy. I don't think Drew digs creepy and look I just want Drew to like me, okay?) let's get back to the subject of this review. 

Night of the Dying Home Appliance

If I had to rank my home appliances on a scale from one being, "I control it so I am not afraid of it."

Oh, this toaster is totally safe!

to a number so large it does not exist or "This appliance is going to kill me one day." a partial list would look like this:

Toaster- Gives me toast but will only hurt me if I stick a fork in it while it's on.
Blender- Will eat my hand if I stick it in there while it's on.
Microwave- Radiation.
Coffee machine- Can break and deprive me of coffee.
Refrigerator- Will fall on me one day when I open it to get cold coffee after coffee machine breaks.
Stove- Possesses ability to explode.
Dryer-see stove
Water Heater- see stove, dryer
Furnace-see stove, dryer, water heater

The furnace is the high end of the list because it scares me. They are a necessary evil. If I could get away with it and my pipes wouldn't freeze and I could live comfortably when the ambient temperature drops into the teens in the winter I would never use any sort of artificial heat in the home-ever.

Any and all forms of artificial heat are quietly plotting to burn my house down while I sleep.