This Midwestern Life

Last week David and I were at the local grocery acquiring lime juice for Margaritas when I spotted this:



I snatched it off the shelf, shoved the can in David's face (I'm severely nearsighted even with corrective lenses, so I assume everyone is the same way.) and demanded he tell me what the hell it is. David told me that it's cabbage juice. He continued to gently explain that "sauerkraut" is cooked cabbage. Makes perfect sense that I wouldn't know what kraut juice is because I hate sauerkraut or cabbage and if I have any German blood it's waaaay diluted with all the Mexican. Then I took a quick look around the beverage aisle and whispered, "Well, okay, but doesn't 'kraut juice' sound like a racial slur?" David replied, "I know that you know that 'kraut' was used as a derogatory term for Germans." Of course, I know that fact but it doesn't really explain what this can of cabbage juice is doing in the beverage aisle.

Later that day I asked Wikipedia about kraut juice. Basically, kraut juice is just the drink needed the morning after a Jäger binge. Kraut juice has all kinds of medicinal qualities and is carried in Midwestern grocery stores for the German immigrants who settled here. David didn't know all that but Wikipedia did. I love Wikipedia because just like David it answers all of my questions. But David likes sauerkraut...we have a conundrum.

For more info about Kraut juice and all things related:
You can Google it just like I did! This is not a place of learning. Go get your info from a more credible source like some user-edited content site.

Sorry, Where Were We?

Several weeks have gone by without a post so let's just ignore whatever lame excuse I may have and get started.

David and I had our second round of house guests a few weeks ago. Three of his brothers flew in from three different states for a mini board game-a-thon. I think the visit went rather well with the exception of me being a "Little Miss Bossy Boots". It was a no pressure visit and if they had wanted to sit around playing SNES Mario Kart and sighing I would have sat around with them. But when we have ONE place to be, by a certain time: LET'S GO! GET YOUR COFFEE! GET YOUR SHOES! MOVE! MOVE! This is why: If you don't stick to even the littlest bit of a schedule of the things they want to do or have to do there is a lot of sitting around. Then at the end of the trip they all cry about the things they didn't get to do. I love my brothers-in-law even if they are reading this, denying their actions, saying they are okay with not getting to do things and vowing to never visit us again. David was sick of me too and snapped, "I can't even enjoy my vacation." Then I snapped back, "Maybe next time you should take more than two days off."

Other than that I've just been doing the same ol' stuff: Internet, sleeping, watching football, reading and blaming other people for my problems. Also, the sun is out and the snow has melted. We'll see how long that lasts.

This Midwestern Life

These deer belong to our friend Jay. He was kind enough to make his deer sit for a portrait. When I say "sit," I mean shoot them. Then consume their flesh, stuff them and then hang them on the wall.

Also, there is a mounted fish. Off camera there are bird feathers artfully jammed into a piece of wood. The bird might be a turkey or pheasant. On the mantel are animal skulls and antlers nestled lovingly against a photo of Jay and his girl, Emmy.

Jay uses antlers in all of his decorating. David and I prefer to use books. It's a matter of taste. Deer tastes pretty good. Books, however, taste pasty.

This Midwestern Life Rings in the New Year

A few years ago, before Ohio had happened to me, a student of my father-in-law's came over with a bottle of Jägermeister. He was from somewhere like Wisconsin or Michigan and as he extolled the wonder and virtue of Jägermeister we stared at him like he was wearing a foil hat.

We don't drink "Jäger" in Southern California. If I had ever seen anyone consume a Jägerbomb, a shot of Jäger dropped into Red Bull, (insert Valley Girl "Ewww") they are a frat-boy. When I moved and started drinking with the boys from David's work they offered me Jäger like it was ambrosia. Here in the Midwest it seems Jäger is the official drink of twenty-somethings. I flat out refuse to drink it. Just like I refuse to play beer pong and do flaming shots. I like to drink my alcohol, not play with it.

The other day David took the boys from work to the bar for lunch and drinks. I tagged along because I am the boss's wife and I can do that. We ordered a round of Tequila shots and the resident Jäger drinkers refused to do a Tequila shot. The waitress gave the Jäger drinkers some sass about letting "the girl at the table do Tequila shots while they sit". I guess nice girls don't drink Tequila shots. Nice girls do Jello Shots while dancing topless on a table to Britney Spears' "Piece of Me" in Cancun. And really nice girls stay home with a bottle of wine and try to finish a "God Bless this Mess" cross-stitch.

Anyway, while we are waiting for our shots and dissing Jäger, one of the boys reaches into his pocket and pulls out this:



Holy Moses Cleaveland! How does one acquire a Jäger lanyard? Is it like Camel Cash? Do you send Jäger bottle caps back to Germany? How many bottle caps did that lanyard cost? Ohio boys love their Jäger but you really have to love Jäger to sport a lanyard.

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a safe night out on the town.

Fun Fact: Jägermeister was used as medicine in pre- and post-war Germany.