"And the bride wore a dress by no one..."

I may have bungled the invitations... let's see three times... and we'd still be counting had I not stuffed them in the mail, as is, and screamed "MOVING ON!" But we can all sleep easier knowing I am going to look FREAKIN' AWESOME at my party.

Once upon a time I imagined I would have a real wedding gown. A Vera Wang or a Maggie Soterro. My only conditions were that the dress have sleeves or straps,a full skirt and look vintage,classic and simple. Unfortunately, everything in bridal dress land is sleeveless, (sorry YUCK) form fitting and WAY out of my budget. My budget was $100. $100 dollars at the very most.

I purchased vintage Vogue and Butterick patterns from the 50's and my mom-in-law and I toyed with the idea of making a dress from scratch. I thought about scouring for a dress from the 50's. I prayed that if I found a vintage dress I would be able to squeeze into it like I use to do when I was tiny in my teens.

Luckily, I went bargain hunting at the Saks Outlet last year and my dress was there waiting. It was $18 dollars marked down from $345. I pride myself on my ability to recognize labels on the discount racks from miles away. The label said Tevrow+Chase. Not a designer in my rotation, but the off-white, ballet style dress, WITH POCKETS, (OMG! SCORE) was the only one in the store so I snatched it up and gave it a home. My mom-in-law did have to make alterations. Those alterations did make her a wee bit nervous, I think, but with the advice of a family friend the dress now fits like a dream. Fairy god-like mothers always pull through.

I spiced up the dress with a leopard print belt and floral cardigan. (The cardigan cost more than the dress and it came from Forever 21) I shopped for the dress without lugging the dress from store to store. Against,the advice of my mom and mom-in -law who were nervous that I wouldn't be able to shop for the dress without it. They doubted my coordinating abilities and my eye. Never doubt the "Queen of throwing it together, oh look at that, it works"

I dug around on the Internet and guess who wears Tevrow+ Chase...Gwen Stefani! Okay,so it's one coat but she wore it alot! The designers behind Tevrow+Chase were behind Club Monaco. So maybe it's not quite "a dress by no one". But I did dress it up with some shoes...you know...and I feel like I was put together by Patricia Field when I wear my dress. I done good.

dress: $18
cardigan: $25
belt: $16
shoes: $13
headband: $4

$76 total

Sunflowers Into Skulls

I never wanted to be a bride and I certainly never wanted to be a bridezilla.

My mother failed to produce a graphic for the wedding reception invitation. We are 60 days away from the party with no invitations in the mail. They evict people from their homes with more notice. I was at work when I found out there would be no "super-awesome- totally-Samina" invite so I didn't quite snap on the spot. I snapped about an hour later on my 30 minute lunch. I stomped out of work furious, heels clacking, my mother trailing behind me on my way to Michael's next door. I hate Michael's. I hate that I had to purchase a Martha Stewart DIY wedding invite kit just so I could get something (ANYTHING) in the mail.



I hate you Martha Stewart. I hate the invitation. It is not what I wanted. In fact a Day of the Dead bride and groom invitation is just about the ONLY thing I wanted and not getting that one thing upset me...greatly.



Really, we cannot call this a "Bridezilla moment" we call these "Samina moments". Crying jags, punctuated by hyperventilating,paranoid thoughts,foot stomping and sarcastic comments through gritted teeth which if I were a child would have earned me the threat of a good slap. Since I am an adult, and a bride, my mother did damage control and I am sure she still ratted me and my bad attitude out to my father.

The plan: Pray the computer/printer won't screw up 50 invitations. Glue tiny handmade skulls to cover up the hideously happy sunflowers on top of the cheerful pop-up cake in the middle of the invitation. Get these things in the mail. Get this whole court marriage/wedding reception/move to foreign frozen place over and done with.

You know what they say "If you want something done you have to do it yourself." DUDE,I'M DOING IT, OKAY! Tomorrow...so totally doing it tomorrow.

Bride Wars

Last week my cousin sent me a text: "I think we should see Bride Wars. :p". I think she added that little emoticon at the end as an out. I could have been a brat and shot down her suggestion. Instead, I decided to rise to the challenge,step out of my comfort zone and see a chick flick. A chick flick about brides and weddings. Bride Wars is not a movie I would subject myself to, my own upcoming nuptials aside. So the movie should have hit some mental/emotional nerve seeing as those nuptials are 64 days away. It didn't.

Bride Wars was missing something, it fell short. The movie is perfect for women who have dreamed of weddings since they were little girls. Women that believe in all the materialistic trappings of lavish dream weddings. Women who are willing to destroy a lifelong,supposedly awesome,friendship so they can have one perfect day. The missing piece of this movie is the friendship of the two characters. The friendship never seemed genuine. The dissolution of the friendship by cat-fighting reaffirmed female stereotypes. Why did creators of this film make the cat-fighting seem more probable than the friendship? While we are on the subject of the probable; the potential husbands of these future brides are non-existent and furthermore seem like bad matches to their mates. This movie clearly suffers from bad casting.

There are scenes in the film that ascertain that a woman's life is meaningless until marriage. Not true and a poor message to send to women watching the film. I do agree that after being married it is the "first day of the rest of your life." A different life than the life one lead's as a child or teenager. The day after I graduated high school was to me the "first day of the rest of my life." I think a person can have several "first days of the rest of one's life."

The makers of the film seemed to set themselves up for a sequel. Nothing bothers me more than the assumption that movie goers are going to flock to a sequel. Especially, a sequel for such a poor movie.

In the parking lot of the theater my cousin mentioned that her brother wanted to see Bride Wars. I was shocked. I mean here I am,a bride and a girl, and I barely want to see this movie. She said her brother has a sense of humor and that maybe there would be a boob shot. I'm pretty sure I saw Kate Hudson's nipple when Anne Hathaway and her fight and Hudson's strapless wedding gown shifts. So maybe Bride Wars does have something for everyone after all.

Stick to the Plan! Stick to the Plan!

Well, here I am 74 days until certain doom. (Google counted the days for me...isn't the Internet wonderful?) I kind of wanted to get some invitations in the mail. My mother was suppose to draw a skull bride and groom for my wedding invitation. I have not even seen a rough draft. My mother also calls me at least once a day...I have not heard from her in days. I think the invitation (lack of draft) and my nagging her about it might be why. I like to think she is furiously cranking out an awesome drawing that will make all the relatives gasp in shock when they see it.

David and I did decided on not using a local church for the reception site. We defaulted to the original plan to have it at his parent's house and we will take a chance on the weather. We figured it might save us some cash. David and I also had a big screaming match on the phone about wedding guests. I told him that if people we went to high school with that I cannot stand show up at, what to me is basically, a family event I will make his life more of a living hell than he ever could imagine. He proceeded to threaten me with calling the whole thing off. I don't know if he meant the reception or the marriage and then he told me he basically could not stand my family. But that was all, like, a month ago.

Since then David has gotten a black eye. I'm just sorry I was not the owner of the fist who gave it to him. He got into a bar fight in Ohio. He's okay and he really doesn't want me talking about it. He is not proud of himself. So, I will write about it instead. He doesn't read this blog anyway he thinks it's dumb.

Anyway, wedding reception...yeah. Way more fun to talk about than a bar fight. I mean with the bar fight re-enactment I got to throw fake punches and grab people and use them as props. I bet wedding reception re-enactments are boring. Just a lot of standing,sitting,eating. But I very well could have a fight amongst my guests at my reception. That is if I ever get invitations mailed. Maybe I shouldn't rent chairs I don't want to give anyone a folding chair to use as a weapon. Or do I.... Screw the bouquet I get to throw the first chair.