Lawn Jockeys & Barn Stars

David and I drove around the neighboring communities this past weekend. David hates driving around where as I could sit in the passenger seat of a moving vehicle forever. I should thank my lucky barn stars that David was willing to drive me around. We had to do it though, its part of the "buying a house process" we will soon start.

As we were driving along in our automobile I began to notice all the crap people shove in their unfenced yards around here. Its like everyone's yard is a friggin' TGI Fridays.

Particular faves are:
Fake animals, mostly fake deer. I don't understand the fake deer thing. We live in a mostly rural, wooded area, near a big ol' lake. Wait ten minutes and real deer will walk into your yard. I promise.

Large stone baskets that look kind of like wells. But, I don't think they are wells. In fact, I am not even sure they are baskets.

Of course, as in any heavily Catholic area there are Virgin Marys in almost every yard. I'm down with that. I'll put a Mary in my yard. Until I went online and saw the price. The statues range in price from $100-$1,000. Holy Mother of..! You mean to tell me ya'll spent $250 on something to put in your yard to get rained and snowed on!? In fact, most all high quality lawn ornaments are super expensive.

Silhouettes of cowboys,dogs,Amish buggies,tractors and horses.

Barn Stars are not lawn ornaments they are house ornaments. The stars are 5-pointed and made from tin or thin steel. They match or coordinate with the paint of the house. They are an Amish good luck charm and sometimes were the signature of the person who built the barn. The Barn Star is a Colonial American hold-over. Amish country is down the highway from here and in the state next door, Pennsylvania. None of the stars I saw were actually on barns or in Amish Country.

Vignettes. I am probably using the wrong term but I can't find another to describe when people make a little mound of dirt or wood chips in their front yard and cram a bunch of stuff on it. Stuff like wagon wheels and cherubs.

Lawn Jockeys. These were the most disturbing to me. Especially, when I saw an early model. Early models look like this:
Now, I couldn't scream "OH MY GOD! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?" grab David's arm and make him pull over. You don't scream and grab the driver unless death is imminent. Apparently, these little lawn statues have cultural and historical significance dating back to Colonial America and the Underground Railroad. However, several internet articles I read dispute that. I don't know who or what to believe. All I can think of is that quote from Napoleon Dynamite, "Look, Pedro, I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride. Understand? Smashing in the face of a pinata that resembles Summer Wheatley is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State."

So there you have it. A breakdown of lawn ornaments in suburban Ohio. I am going to troll the thrift stores until I find a Mary. When in Rome...gotta blend in you know? Or, at least the house we purchase needs to blend in. Lord knows, everyone here already thinks David and I are from Mars.