Almost there... just a little bit further

The last few weeks have been tough. I had a cold or a sinus infection, something gnarly, that left me with a sore throat, a throbbing head and the sniffles. My insomnia has been terrible. My little brother finally confessed that his girlfriend is pregnant again. I am upset that I will not not be around for my second nephew's arrival. I am leaving my first nephew, my 17 month old godson, just as he is beginning to remember me and be comfortable in my presence. I visited my grandmother and she told me about how every other house on the street I live on was once occupied by relatives. Nothing like leaving 100 years of history behind!

Everyone keeps asking me questions. What should I wear to your party? I feel like such a bitch and a brat. Honestly, I don't care. Do you still fit into your prom dress? Do you want to wear it? Great! Do you want to wear jeans and a parka? Awesome. Come dressed as the Easter Bunny! What should I bring? Pizza? Cool. Cool. Whatever. Can I bring buckets of KFC Chicken? I don't see why not. I think everyone is afraid of doing the wrong thing, but it doesn't really matter,because I have already made Emily Post roll in her grave so many times she should be good for the next 2,000 years.

I keep getting asked about being nervous or excited. Nope, feeling pretty calm. I want to pack up all my stuff. So I can bitch about not having my stuff. Just want to get on the plane. Then I can bitch about wanting to get off the plane. Yup, I really want to get to Ohio. So I can bitch about being in Ohio and not in California. I'm trying to cut my losses here,people, not count up winnings

Happy is not my natural state of being. I try to work on being. Living with the current moment. Not for it. I think the saddest part of all of this is tomorrow. Tomorrow, will be the first time in six months since I've seen David, I am going to give him a great big hug and cuddle up to his ear and whisper,"Did you bring your checkbook?".