Tales of the Domestically Challenged: Rice

The great comedian Mitch Hedberg once said,"I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something." David is often hungry for 2,000 of something and he likes rice. David knows how to cook Shrimp Fried Rice and I have mastered Spanish Rice but have yet to cook a successful pot of white rice.

Every time I try to cook white rice I burn a quarter of it making it stick to the bottom of the pan. I hate ruining food. I feel like a failure every time I cook white rice. David often comes home to find me in front of the stove angry and near tears. A barely salvageable pot of rice on the stove. He is always very nice about my failure. "I have trouble with rice, too," he says scraping the contents of the pan into a dish, adding lots of water to make it edible by nuking the rice in the microwave for a few minutes. I relinquish the kitchen at this point stomping to the bedroom where I attempt to slam the pocket door and crawl into bed to mutter to myself about the injustices of life and not having a rice cooker. I am convinced the pot we are using is not good for cooking rice. It's not a non-stick pan and I think it might be made from some cheap metal material. Boiling water is just about the only thing I can accomplish in that pan.

When I finally drag myself to the dinner table David continues to reassure me. He always wants to know why I am so upset over some burnt rice. "Rice is cheap," he shrugs. My response is the same no matter what culinary disaster I have wrought. "I have one job. My job is to make dinner and I can't even do that right. I've been sitting in this house for a year trying to learn how to be an adult and I suck at it. I suck at life. Do you understand what it's like to consistently fail at the one thing you are suppose to do?"

David thinks my problem has more to do with not handling failure rather than burnt rice. He may be right. I do seem to have trouble admitting wrong or making mistakes. I become frustrated when unable to complete a task efficiently and perfectly. Even tasks I've never done before. If I don't do something right the first time and every time, I stop doing whatever it is entirely. So I admit it right here right now. I've got some hang-ups. Some issues left over from whatever dark recesses of my childhood. Maybe I should revisit my childhood at least the rice was always cooked properly then.