Point of No Return

Somewhere in cyberspace there is a one way ticket to Ohio with my name on it. David bought it and sent me the confirmation so I know it exists. The ticket will float in a database until March when we print it out and then I will know there is really no turning back. When I hold that ticket in my hand, when I step on that plane the world as I know it will cease to be and a vacuum will suck me up and spit me out in another state. A completely alternate state of being. I was so scared when David bought his ticket home I cried. Of course, he wanted to know why I was crying and I told him why and he said, "But I'm here. You'll have me." "I know," I wailed,"that's what scares me." I didn't cry when he bought mine.

There is a part of me that just wants everything to be over and done. That same part just wants to run from from my family. All the drama, all the pain, all the minimal expectations. Even though I know soon I will be so far away from them it will leave an unfathomable ache in my heart.

I am knocking down milestones. I will be the first child in my family to marry and pack up and leave. I will be the first one that will not look back for too long or too hard. I always knew David would take me away I just didn't know how far.