Sugar Detox Day 5: The Teeth Gnashing and the Rage

Today is Day 5 on a 21 Day Sugar Detox.

I hate the word "detox." This sugar detox is also no carb, low carb whatever I don't even know

Do you see these snacks? I can't have any of these snacks.

anymore because I have a headache. A headache they say will go away by Day 5. That's nice. My headache started on Day 5. You know what would fix that headache? SOME CARBS!

Oh, did you like carbs? Did you spend the last seven years cleaning up your diet so the only cracker you can eat is a Triscuit?  Because a Triscuit only has three ingredients and no HFCS.

Sorry. None of that here!

How about a tortilla?  Can I have that?

Nope!

You can have guacamole! BUT NOT TORTILLA CHIPS! Well, wtf? Am I suppose to just eat the guacamole straight out of the bowl with my hands? You can have kale chips! *death stare*

I swear someone needs to invent one of these detoxes for a Mexican.




Now, *deep cleansing breath* let's talk about why I am doing this awful thing. A thing so awful I would not even drag David into it for moral support. David made toast for himself the other night. I thought I was going to stab him.

This isn't a weight loss thing. This is a: 'I don't feel good. I don't feel sane. Something needs adjusting." The OH to TX move was a big change and my therapist said I would likely not be able to get right back to what I was doing.  There is good chance there was some depression because I still not have (for lack of a better word) mourned what I left behind and processed the change completely.  Everything happened really fast and there was no time to do any grieving.

For the last year I have not felt like myself. The myself I was before all hell broke loose and Texas tried to break me. My energy is low, my sleep quality is poor, most days I feel like I am starting over and over again trying to get back to my previous fitness routine and level.  My routine is more stable now than it was but I still can't quite manage even 30 minutes on a yoga mat a week. In Ohio I was doing three hours a week. On average I have had more bad days than good here.

However, the activities I was doing in Ohio have been replaced with other activities that are just as important.
I haven't joined a yoga class yet BUT I volunteer at the local library twice a week.

I'm not cleaning the house once a week BUT I am cleaning it once a month AND spending more time trying to learn about home improvement.

We may not have as many friends here as we did in Ohio BUT we have family here AND I have spent more time with them.

If I could focus on what I have and stop obsessing about what I don't have I think I would feel better.

That is what I'm hoping this detox, in part, will provide: focus. Mental clarity that is currently being clouded by a cycle of: "I don't feel well but this half a pizza will make me feel good. I feel bad again so now let's eat five donuts. Lather, rinse, repeat."

Next week, if not tomorrow, I will talk about the preparation and methods I am using to get through the 21 days successfully.

As David ate his toast the other night he looked at me with sympathy saying: "You don't have to do this." I gritted my teeth and said: "Yes, I do."