Men's Eyes Were Made to Look, and Let them Gaze at My Ugly Lawn

My struggle with yard work is well-documented. 

Oh no! Nature is in my yard! Control it!

"Toil" is not high on my list of "things I like to do in my spare time." Call me a milennial, call me lazy, call me a bad neighbor, call me un-American, call me a princess, just don't call the city on me about my yard because IDGAF.

When the season turns and people start to gush: "I can't wait to get in that yard! I love being in the yard: weeding and planting!" it makes me shudder. I go outside and do the bare minimum but since the year is winding down the frequency of me going out to work in the yard has dwindled. This led to the front yard being a little shaggier than what's "acceptable."

Now to be fair to the citizens of my street perhaps none of them called and ratted us out about our ratty front yard. Perhaps the city building inspector noticed our yard growing unkempt around the edges and left us a note that said we had two days to take care of it or else be fined.

The yard was not waist-high or sheltering racoons. I went over it with our push-mower about a month ago but the push-mower is not good for the tough patches.

I don't have an obsession with a vibrant green, manicured lawn; fertilized with chemicals, sucking up water, and maintained with a gas-chugging machine. I understand an "ugly yard" is bad for the neighborhood and shows a lack of pride but is it the worst sin I can commit?

In honor of the occasion here is a list of things I think mar a neighborhood and also show a lack of pride in a community because I'm not bitter or anything.

1. Leaving standing water in tires, wheelbarrows, trashcan lids, and empty trashcans.

2. Letting a dog wander unleashed and unattended in the front yard.

3. An excessive amount of large plastic toys on the lawn fading in the sun.

4. Boats moored in a driveway.

5. Failing to maintain the taillights of city vehicles.

6. Allowing city workers to smoke while maintaining roadways.

7. Leaving trashcans out on the curb long after trash has been collected.

8. Letting people without pants into the local grocery store.

9.  Sharing your noise (music, loud phone conversations) with neighbors.

10. Selling drugs out of your home.

But remember folks, you can do any combination of these things but as long as that front lawn is as neat as a pin you are a good neighbor!