"Your Vote of Confidence is Overwhelming"

Yesterday, we voted for local levies in our county. I had the opportunity to call several of my peers to ask for support of a renewal of one of these levies. I didn't get suckered into doing this. I volunteered which was strange considering I have a deep understanding of human nature. This means I know that people hate to be cold-called even if it is for a good cause. And so I began my sociopolitical journey, or "Operation Cold-Call or Nothing: an Experiment in the Insane".

I volunteered to call 10 to 20 voters. Since I am unemployed I reasoned this would only take me about an hour. How hard could it be? It was extremely difficult and painful. My list of 10 to 20 turned into 120. I guess there wasn't an abundance of people willing to call complete strangers and awkwardly stutter out a script. Each page averaged about 25 voters. I figured it would take me about a week to call everyone on the list if I did a page a day.

My first call was a disconnected number and that was either a good omen or bad - I'm still not sure which. I did my best to not mispronounce names and call at a reasonable hour. I frequently prayed to get a disconnected message or an answering machine so I wouldn't have to talk to a human. Most everyone I spoke with was pleasant or ambivalent. However, the task never got easier. Everyday, when I had a few people left to call it was like ripping off a band-aid. I just wanted to get it done.

Most of the calls were routine except for the cranky old man who informed he could vote anyway he damn well pleased. I agreed with him. After all I wasn't telling him to vote one way or another just asking if he might support the renewal. Other notable calls: Asking to speak to a voter and being informed by the person who answered the phone that the "voter" was ineligible as she was a nine-year old. Flipping through the list I wondered how many other children I was potentially calling. How many had I already called? Who compiled this list? I forged ahead but I really started to consider quitting when I called a voter and was told that she works at the institution that needed the levy to be passed. I called it a day even though I was only a quarter of the way finished with that day's list. I was now behind schedule. I wasn't sure if this was an efficient use of my time or anyone's time for that matter. Wasn't there someone else better suited to do this job? Well-behaved prisoners in a correctional facility? Juvenile delinquents looking to fulfill community service requirements?

While trying to not think critically about what I was doing and by just mindlessly dialing I was able to call every number on the list. I ignored the annoyance in a mother's voice as her child screamed in the background. The quiet and feeble voices of the elderly, as I no doubt dragged them from their comfy recliners to answer my call. I wondered about the disconnected numbers. Were these former landlines? What does the phone company do with the abandoned numbers as we move away from landlines and customers just have cell phones?

Now I understand why most committees favor mail-outs and recordings to do the canvassing. Cold-calling is truly a thankless task. The next time a solicitor calls me I am going to ask them how they manage to do their job everyday without sticking a chisel under their toenails. A paycheck must be their only motivation. My friend, Amy, offered to call some of the voters to ease my burden and I told her, "Calling these strangers is excruciating. It's a task I would not wish to my enemies. I don't want to force this on you and damage our friendship." I do, however, wish cold-calls at all meal times, Saturday mornings, and holidays on my worst enemies. Today, results showed that our levy passed. Next election time I will only volunteer to put a sign in my yard no matter what the annoying little civic-minded voice in my head says.