This Midwestern Life Rings in the New Year

A few years ago, before Ohio had happened to me, a student of my father-in-law's came over with a bottle of Jägermeister. He was from somewhere like Wisconsin or Michigan and as he extolled the wonder and virtue of Jägermeister we stared at him like he was wearing a foil hat.

We don't drink "Jäger" in Southern California. If I had ever seen anyone consume a Jägerbomb, a shot of Jäger dropped into Red Bull, (insert Valley Girl "Ewww") they are a frat-boy. When I moved and started drinking with the boys from David's work they offered me Jäger like it was ambrosia. Here in the Midwest it seems Jäger is the official drink of twenty-somethings. I flat out refuse to drink it. Just like I refuse to play beer pong and do flaming shots. I like to drink my alcohol, not play with it.

The other day David took the boys from work to the bar for lunch and drinks. I tagged along because I am the boss's wife and I can do that. We ordered a round of Tequila shots and the resident Jäger drinkers refused to do a Tequila shot. The waitress gave the Jäger drinkers some sass about letting "the girl at the table do Tequila shots while they sit". I guess nice girls don't drink Tequila shots. Nice girls do Jello Shots while dancing topless on a table to Britney Spears' "Piece of Me" in Cancun. And really nice girls stay home with a bottle of wine and try to finish a "God Bless this Mess" cross-stitch.

Anyway, while we are waiting for our shots and dissing Jäger, one of the boys reaches into his pocket and pulls out this:



Holy Moses Cleaveland! How does one acquire a Jäger lanyard? Is it like Camel Cash? Do you send Jäger bottle caps back to Germany? How many bottle caps did that lanyard cost? Ohio boys love their Jäger but you really have to love Jäger to sport a lanyard.

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a safe night out on the town.

Fun Fact: Jägermeister was used as medicine in pre- and post-war Germany.